'Proper' job: Observer of things and frequent bored person.

Part time: Offering ACF50 anti-corrosion treatments for motorcycles under the AllYearBiker banner.

Currently residing in Newbury! Still riding the Falco but the Fazer has beem sold (shock-horror!). I still don't like eating mushrooms.

Favourite past time at the moment involves a horse costume, three or four nubile schoolgirls and a bag of large carrots. Originally tried it with a real horse, three or four old bags and a carrot costume, results were not as favourable.

I have seven hobbies, one for each day of the week.

• Monday: Pointing at people wearing hats.
• Tuesday: Hiding from old people.
• Wednesday: Facing north while standing on a slope.
• Thursday: Stroking cats the wrong way.
• Friday: Smelling of wood.
• Saturday: Singing to rural post offices.
• Sunday: Rubbing apricots into my knees.